Tag Archives: Scuffle

#BREAKING: SOLANGE KNOWLES FURIOUS THAT SOME PEOPLE THINK HER NAME RHYMES WITH “MERINGUE”

According to an anonymous source, Solange Knowles, professional celebrity and sister of talented family member Beyonce Knowles, played sports in High School thusly qualifying her as a subject for breaking news stories on a sports blog.

Having buried the lead, Solange’s recent outburst with her talented family member’s “boo,” Jay-Z was reportedly due to a misunderstanding in regards to the pronunciation of “Solange.”

“The name Solange is not exactly intuitive to pronounce, nor am I even sure it’s a name at all,” Mr. Z likely said in a recent press conference, “there is literally no precedent I can think of that makes that a name. Was her grandma named Solange? Who named her then? How am I supposed to know how to pronounce a name if the letters comprising it look like a schizophrenixzplaying Bananagrams?”

Trying to make a good impression, Mr. Z pronounced the name to the best of his abilities—assuming that the name rhymed with popular pie-ingredient-thing: “meringue.”

“I don’t know why her parents named her ‘Solange’ but I am familiar with lemon meringue pie. Seemed to be a perfect fit,” Jay-Z reasoned while wiping his ass with a copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘The Great Gatsby’ as Leonardo DiCaprio snorted a massive line of coke off of Mr. Z’s hardcover version in the shower.

“Don’t know why she got so upset being tangentially related to a delicious dessert. Makes me wonder if this girl has ever even been to a fucking Marie Callender’s before. Fascist”

Relations between the two remain strained.